the messy middle: week 1
documenting my next life redesign in real time—exposing the parts no one shows you
I’ve been wanting to document my next life redesign, and the time has finally arrived!
But first, let me catch you up if you’re new here!
Hi, I’m Rachel.
I lived in Barcelona, Spain, for almost 9 years. It’s my soul city, but my husband’s green card and professional goals brought us back to San Francisco (also not a bad place to be).
After being laid off in 2023, I decided to leave startup life behind and go after what I really wanted.
For the past 3 years, I’ve been coaching ambitious women (and men) who look successful on paper but feel exhausted and unfulfilled. We start with the nervous system and female physiology. After noticing consistent patterns with my female clients, I also founded nervous system mastery for women—a 6-week cohort to regulate your nervous system, sync with your cycle, and go after what you really want.
But everything has been on “hold” since having Kabir in March. I’ve been loving every moment (actually more than I thought I would), and I’m feeling the pull come back to the work I love. But, not fully. At least not for now. For now, I want to be fully async, so Substack is my outlet.
For creativity
Learning.
Intellectual stimulation.
Online community.
And starting my next life redesign.
Well, that’s the nutshell version.
Here’s a bit about my vision and the community I’m trying to build here…
what this series is all about
I’m a serial life redesigner. I’ve lived many iterations and, for me, that is what it means to be human. To experience as much as I can in this life.
But there is something a lot of people never talk about when it comes to life redesign.
It can feel lonely.
It can feel hard.
It can make you question everything.
And so, I had a thought,
Why not document my next life redesign weekly, so others can join in on the adventure?
Maybe you’ll join as a spectator.
Maybe you’ll join for inspiration.
Maybe you’ll join to share your experience in life redesign.
My idea is to pick one thing that has been on my mind and share what’s going on every Sunday-ish. The easy. The hard. The joyful. The challenging. The progress. The stickiness.
Essentially, bringing transparency to life design. Because most of it? It’s highlights after all the effort to get there.
I want to write about the messy middle. I also want to get meta with my own framework for y’all to see.
These reflections will be my stream of consciousness. Let’s structuring. Less editing. Me showing up as I am in the moment and sharing with you.
And maybe a bit of accountability, too 😉
what the heck do i mean by life redesign?
It’s about creating the next iteration of a life you love in every cell of your body.
Meaning my life looks as good on the outside as it feels in my body.
And my litmus test is? I wake up, especially on the hard days, and can say and feel, “I f*cking love my life!”
Over the last 20+ years on this adventure, and 800+ hours coaching, I’ve created a framework to craft a holistic dream life. There are 12 dimensions.
I’ve been using it for years for myself and my clients.
If you want to learn more about it. You can start here. But this is really all you need to know for now.
my vision for the next redesign
My vision for the next redesign feels like the biggest one yet… 😳 Honestly, I’m a bit scared. I see the X on my map but I have no idea how I’m going to get there.
what i’ve done so far
But before I get into it, here are some of my past life redesigns:
Left a toxic relationship and moved to a new city with no plan, just my car, cat, and clothes. I was offered a job as soon as I got out of my car, and the rest is history—a beautiful one at that (meeting the love of my life).
Got a master’s degree to work in international education, and then did it! It brought me to Spain, Germany, and India, and then helped me bring students to San Francisco.
Pivoted from international education to edtech in San Francisco and scaled the company by 11.5x (from 80 to 1000 active students) in less than two years.
Moved to Barcelona, Spain, with only my savings, no work permit, and my husband and kitty, Raymond. And built the life I had dreamed about for years.
Pivoted from operations to People & Culture in globally remote startups. Then led the function for 5 years, building world-class cultures for early to mid-stage startups and non-profits.
Went solo as a full-time coach and built a complementary business and lifestyle in Barcelona. Amazing clients plus morning snorkeling at the beach.
Became a mom! This was after years of choosing to be child-free and then years of trying to get pregnant and losing a baby before Kabir arrived.
You might notice many of them are work-centric (I do care deeply about my career), but what you don’t see are all the other things I did as a part of those redesigns.
Things like getting the PADI open dive certificate to face my fear of sharks.
Or learning to climb outdoors to face my fear of heights.
Or investing deeply in therapy and coaching to change my internal world and sense of self. My identity has shifted so much.
Or cultivating a tight-knit community in Castellano and Catalan.
Or my obsession with interior design to create a nervous system-friendly space.
Or changing my diet dramatically to improve my mind and rid myself of caffeine-induced anxiety.
Or aligning my work with my menstrual cycle.
Or breaking my burnout cycles for good.
where i’m going now
I write what I’ve done to remind myself what’s possible, because right now, my next redesign is intimidating, and I’ve noticed the record of you won’t make it happen replaying in my mind.
I’m also the “achieve it and move on to the next” kind of gal. While I do celebrate now, it still doesn’t come naturally to me. Let’s call this a mini celebration of sorts.
So, where am I going?
I just finished my updated vision this week. After moving to SF and having Kabir, I decided to recraft my vision (my last one was in January 2025 when we thought we were staying in Barcelona).
A lot of it does feel doable. BUT there is one part that feels near impossible at the moment (even though logically, I know it’s not true).
Geographic and time freedom.
To split our time between Spain, SF, India, and other places for travel. More specifically, living between Barcelona and SF.
Our time is our own to spend as we like. Where we like.
Funny enough, I’m not worried about how we’ll do it with Kabir. I’m stoked for him to experience the world.
I’m more concerned about how we’ll design viable careers to support that lifestyle. And careers that are fulfilling for Chinmay (my boo) and me. His heart is in SF, and mine is in Barcelona. And then, our families are spread around the world.
We’ve had many difficult conversations because our hearts live in two different places. But we do know that we‘re committed to finding a solution that fills both of our hearts.
the priority dimension
Like with a client, I’m starting with one dimension. Going after 12—or even three—only leads to overwhelm and lack of action.
My priority dimension is growth.
And I’m starting with “I’ve learned how to grow my business and partner with other women-owned businesses. Our community uplifts each other.”
Why? My instinct is that this will help me discover how for the scary part of the vision.
I’m not 100% clear on all the actions yet, but here’s what I’m committing to over the next week:
Identify 10 women I want to interview for my unbounded inspiration series. I will be interviewing women who have chosen to break the status quo and go after a life they really love and share them here on substack (pssst… if you’re one of them or know one of them, DM/intro me!).
Reach out to 3 of them.
Migrate my paid membership resources to one place (it’s a bit messy at the moment, and my ops mind can’t handle it lol).
So, that’s it for this week!
Hit subscribe if you’d like to go on this adventure and share it to help other women go after what they really want.
Also, feel free to share what you’re up to in the comments! Can’t wait to see what you’re dreaming up (and how we can support each other).
